How to Maintain Meaningful Friendships Despite Busy Schedules or Distance

My unglamorous secret for keeping friendships alive is a calendar. We schedule calls, group Zooms, and one non-negotiable in-person meet-up every year. It sounds clinical until you realise the alternative is “we should catch up sometime,” which, I think, is how friendships quietly starve.

I’ve had the same core group of friends for over 25 years, and we’re still nearly as close as we were when we were kids because we treat time together like it matters. The calls can be scruffy. They mostly are. Someone is cooking, someone is wrangling a toddler, someone is sitting in a car park for the only quiet they can find. No one cares. The point is rhythm, not polish.

That rhythm is the heartbeat of the relationship, to my mind. Keep the thing going, or let it pass.

I started treating friendship as something that happens in real time, rather than as something that only happens when life calms down, because life never calms down. Now I bring my closest friends into moments that matter as they happen: new job, rough day, small win, big screw-up, kid did something wild, script breakthrough, festival news—whatever it is, I loop them in. No holiday letter needed—just a quick “you’re part of this” check-in.

This keeps the relationship fresh because my close friends never have to ask what’s going on in my world—they’re already in it. And it works both ways: when someone feels included in your real life, in real time, the distance stops mattering. The schedule stops mattering. You and your friends stay connected because the connection never gets put on hold.

One approach I’ve found effective at maintaining meaningful friendships despite being busy is making that extra effort beyond the passive interactions of liking or commenting on social media. So, when I see a friend sharing something important—whether it’s a new job, a vacation, or a major life decision—I always reach out to them individually over text.

This usually turns into a short catch-up session, whether over a phone call or text, and lets people know how much I value having them in my life. I also think it helps to stand out from the hundreds of passive interactions people experience on their social media handles every day, and a personal touch always makes things more intimate and valued.

I’ve found that using downtime strategically makes a significant difference in staying connected.

When I’m at airports or in waiting areas like doctor’s offices, I use that time to text, call, or write cards to friends and family.

To make this easier, I keep a stack of cards on hand that I’ve bought in advance.

This approach turns otherwise wasted time into meaningful touchpoints that help preserve relationships even when life gets busy.

The way I stay in touch with my friends during busy times or when we’re far apart is through small acts of kindness that keep us close. A simple “hello” via voicemail, a funny meme, or even just a couple of lines of text about something that made me think of you that day are some of the ways I stay in touch with my friends.

These small moments are what have helped me maintain many friendships that might have otherwise faded. Just because it has been weeks since we last talked doesn’t mean we’re not thinking of each other. When we do get to see each other again, it seems as though no time has passed at all.